Don't give me excuses...

So I'm at my Mom's house Saturday night talking with my sister and her fiance. We're talking about a family member (by marriage) that is always looking for a free ride. Or at least that is how I see it. She has a child, no job until recently and constantly gripes about how terrible her life is. Who's fault is that? In my opinion, it's hers. We all have things in our childhood that we can blame our current situation on. We all have things in our past that we can blame our problems on. We all have things in our present life that we can blame for our mood or attitude. I say PUT ON YOUR BIG GIRL PANTIES AND DEAL WITH IT. 9 times out of 10 you can find some excuse for what you're going through. 9 times out of 10 I can point the finger and show you why it's your fault. Don't think I'm Ms. Self-Righteous cause I'm not. I piss and moan just like the rest of you. But at the end of the day and I can tell you that I'm responsible for the choices that I make. I don't always make the right or best decision but I do always accept responsibility for the things I have control over. You can't change people and you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You can't depend on someone else to make you happy. You can change yourself and become accountable to yourself. Try it...you just might find that you're a much happier person once you become responsible for you.

Normal is Nice

Have you ever looked into a mirror and wondered who the person was that was looking back at you? Do you ever have moments, hours or even weeks that go by and you don't recognize the skin that you're living in? It does not happen to me often but the past few weeks have been just that. When I came to work today I was feeling somewhat "normal". I was feeling like me. I sighed with relief because I was beginning to believe that I had changed and wasn't sure that I liked my new self. I have officially been through a "funk". I'm not saying that we're in the clear yet (mind & body) but I think I'm on my way. Please don't confuse this to mean that I don't want to change or grow. I'm all about that. It's just that I think I know myself better than anyone on the planet because I'm with me ALL the time. And it's weird when you're making choices or decisions and reacting in ways that don't make sense, even to yourself. Two weeks...what have I done out of character for the last two weeks? I've read 2 whole books...I don't read. I've listened to the radio in my car everyday...I don't listen to the radio when I'm in the car. I've sat outside and stared at the sky...I look up sometimes but not for a half an hour at a time. I haven't slept good...I hardly ever have problems sleeping. I haven't eaten much...I'm a bottomless pit. I've even lost about 7 lbs. I haven't been to the mall...I go to the mall at least once every week; often more. Since I was feeling better today I went to the mall. I felt like I was in my skin...doing one of my favorite things. It felt good!

Trapped Inside My Head...

I'm finally starting to feel somewhat normal now that the battle inside my head has decided to cease fire or rather that shots are only being fired spontaneously. Sometimes I get completely lost in my thoughts for weeks at a time. It's not always a bad thing unless it is an unpleasant issue that I'd rather not be thinking about sans this past weeks thoughts. I'm a firm believer that prayer works. I think I have succesfully prayed myself out of my head. There are definitely blessings that come from above...in all forms. Sometimes you don't get what you want and it can be even better than if you'd gotten EXACTLY what you asked for. I'd rather not go into the details of my thoughts for fear that I might end up right back in the thick of it. Do you ever have times when you just can't turn it off? I know people talk about this happening to them when you're trying to go to sleep at night but that is not the kind of thing I'm talking about. I'm talking about the type of thoughts that come and go no matter what you're doing. The kinds of thoughts that are magnified by certain things around you that bring you right back to the place you just came from. And I know some of you are out there saying that they make medication for that. Yes. I know. I've taken some and it made me numb and I couldn't think about even pleasant things. I didn't think about anything other than what was absolutely necessary. I love to ride in my car on the way home and ponder things that I hadn't had time to think about during the day. It relaxes me. On the other hand, when there are those things in your head that you can't turn off it makes the ride home miserable. I guess that is what they really make a radio for, huh? I just finished the book "Bitter is the New Black". The book was lent to me by a friend and she was right...the book rocked. I totally recommend it. It really made me think about what really makes us happy. People say that money can't make you happy and to some extent I do agree with that statement, however, I do believe that it makes life easier. I'm really not much of a reader unless it is a book that I absolutely cannot put down. This book was one of those. I don't know if I was desperate to direct my thoughts in another direction or if the book was just superb?. Either way...I totally enjoyed it. And i must say that it was the 3rd book that I've read since June which is so totally out of character for me. Alright! So I've rattled on for long enough. I hear something interesting going on on TV and am going to check it out. Just be careful with decisions you make. The consequences could haunt you for weeks, months or even God forbid...years!